I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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