i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize