she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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