he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
