You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
