How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
