So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My ass is underappreciated
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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