Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
