Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
