And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
