just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
