we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
