As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
