Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
