wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
