Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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