i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
