I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
