Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Buhtt sex?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
