I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
birth control should be required to get into college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
