I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize