I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
