I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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