I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
