i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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