I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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