I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
