just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
