we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
