She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
