Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize