There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
