I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
