My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
