im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize