Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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