Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Blood and glitter go together right?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
