no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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