my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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