i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
