oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
