Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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