Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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