It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
