I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
