all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
