I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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