if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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