***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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