So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
