yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize