Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
