please come you make the beer taste better
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
