Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
