my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize