I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
