I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You're like the curious george of whores
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
