Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
me + whiskey = a bad person
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
