Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
as a side note pls kill me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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