I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dignity is for republicans.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
