Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
