yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
