He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
