3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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