o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
