I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
