So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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