i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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