I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
