fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
