Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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