So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
