How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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