im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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